Life Update 01

I really wanted to write a life update but I have never got around to it. It is either me being extremely busy and putting this to the back of my head or someone interrupting me in the middle of writing. I don’t really talk much about my personal life and thoughts, I especially don’t want relatives or friends knowing that I own a blog. It’s not that I don’t open up to them, I do. But there are just some tiny bits of my life that I’d love to keep private to myself.

So, back to topic, I am now back in my little unit, which I shared with another person. Being alone inside a room is so much fun. I have to admit that it feels lonely at first, but once you understand the value of quality alone time, then you will feel what I feel. Come to think about it, a year back then I was feeling extremely depressed and thinking of jumping off the building several times. I got nobody else to talk to, and my boyfriend (now ex) was never around. I would stand in front of the window, looking at that little platform outside, telling myself to crawl out of the window and stand on it. Then I would think, after standing on it and looking down, if I’m not scared, I would jump down from the 10th floor. I never crawled out, because I knew I won’t be scared. Those was dark times, glad that I’ve moved on.

Life has been treating me good so far. I stopped feeling empty inside. I am not sure how this happened but I’m pretty certain that as time progresses, something will eventually change. Patience, the core to everything. I know how quotes like these are so lame and cliche-like but it actually makes a lot of sense.

Now a new semester begins after a long three months break. I want changes this year. I am grateful and I know I am extremely lucky to be eligible for Year 2 because I didn’t really paid much effort in studies the last sem. 2 weeks of revisions before finals, and 2 days for the last paper, let alone unattended lectures. Jesus, I have to stop being so lazy.

Another thing worth noting is that I have to kiss coffee goodbye again. I’ve to stop drinking coffee for a solid few months because my¬† body couldn’t take it anymore. Last year, I was a coffee addict, until my organs gave up on me and I ended up having irregular heartbeats, also panic attacks were more likely to happen. I stopped drinking coffee for almost a year until months ago, when I worked for a company during my semester break. It was tiring but fun, but starting work without coffee is impossible, and after noticing my organs stopped overreacting over coffee, I had it every morning, sometimes twice a day. A cup of hot Americano from the convenient store near the office kept my day going. But sadly, like how old memories hit you hard again when you thought you were already over it, my body started rejecting coffee again, and it was worse than last year. I wonder if this is normal.

I always feel like my words are way too simple and I don’t like showering them with flowers. I have never scored in writing stories in my English exam, but I did good in writing informative compositions. When it comes to poems I prefer the simple ones too. Words that are simple but powerful, that by reading them a sensation runs down the spine.

Are life updates supposed to be long? Because I couldn’t think of anything else to write. I guess I will stop here. If you are reading this, I wish you the best. Love you!

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A Short One

I have a short temper –

That blasts every time you shout.

I am not sound, nor I’m mental,

My head has an internal conflict that screams silently aloud.

I know I inherited this from you,

For this temper can be found in you too.

We bleed the same blood,

And our eyes share the same fury when we boil for the truth.

burning fate

you poured liquor on my raging soul

my passion grew into anger

i wonder how were we supposed

to love each other when we were both broken

for i love unconditionally

striving to love you the best i could

but you were too calculative

not willing to give more than you should.

 

i guess we are persons of 2 planets

that were never meant to be

because when i begged you to come back

you slammed me with fate and left me

you said we would end up together if it was meant by fate

i don’t know if it is your naive or fate that i should hate

hating your naive because you surrender to something abstract

hating fate for bringing me a person who pushed me into a grave.